//window.onerror = null; fortunespan_obj = new Object(); motherspan_obj = new Object(); fortcode_obj = new Object(); fortcodealt_obj = new Object(); fortunes = new Array("You will be deeply offended
by what someone says......
That's life. Kiss my ass.", "Today you will die....a cat
related death. better watch
your back. MROW!!!", "You'll get some tonight. how
the fuck YOU managed that,
I don't know....", "A new opportunity will present
itself. Don't worry, you'll
blow it again, for
sure. Way to go, asshole.", "Confucius say 'Be kind to others,
and it will be returned
to you 10 fold....
just kidding; they'll walk
all over you.
people suck ass'", "Happy Birthday! Blow out the
candles and make a wish! and
remember, it doesn't matter.
wishes are bullshit.", "Did you know that the Bible is
30% more absorbent than Charmin?
Quite a feat, since one comes
already full of shit", "Stop kidding yourself;
It's because you're
so goddamn ugly.", "I KNOW you're not getting any.
Have you considered that god's
trying to phase your line out?", "Keep masturbating;
I fucking hate kittens.", "Strive to reveal to others your
inner beauty. but in the
meantime, it wouldn't hurt
to show off the goods.", "Remember:
fortune telling is bullshit", "Buddy, I'm the only pussy
you're getting for
a LOOOOOONG time", "Your team will lose. That's
what you get for
believing in anything", "You'll win the lottery
....then blow it all
on booze.
Dumbass", "Opportunity will knock
...or maybe it's a hungry
grizzly bar.....
Ma!, git mah gun!", "In the future, I see
adventure and excitement
......just not for you", "Soon, you will make
a new friend. His name
is Jack. Jack Daniels.
He will become your best
and only friend", "You have a strong, noble
and interesting
character.....wait...
...wrong person. Uh, next?", "the world is a vampire....
but you're not.
turn off that Cure CD,
stop smoking cloves, and
stay away from
Hot Topic", "Ancient chinese wisdom say:
'repay a good turn
with another good
turn. Repay an injury....
with an icepick'", "You will find true happiness
in this life....or
maybe the next one
or the one after that.....", "The world is my litterbox
....like your couch for
example. sorry 'bout that...", "Fortune is smiling on you.
Or maybe that's death,
I forget", "I see good things in
the future. For other
people.", "Soon you will be sitting
on top of the world.
...When we launch you
into the sun", "The current week will
bring you much happiness.
Enjoy it. it's all
downhill afterwards", "A 6-legged cat will
defecate on your face
while you're sleeping.
and laugh
and laugh
and laaauugh...", "Try something different
You'll like the
results. It'll liven
up your pathetic
life", "You are talented in
many ways. Like breathing,
eating, and
crapping. That's
about it", "You will be showered
with good luck.
...I'm glad to hear
it...you needed
a shower, believe
me", "Your present plans are
going to succeed.
er....fail. I meant
fail.", "Respect your elders
...I heard they're
loaded and currently
writing up their will", "Crime doesn't pay
...unless it's called
'politics'", "You will receive a
letter of great
importance...but what's
that mysterious powder...?", "You feel a sense of
calm setting in....
WRONG!
The end is nigh!
In fact, it's next
Tuesday. Better get
1,000,000 sunblock", "Success cannot be
measured in material
goods.
....or at all.
Everybody sucks", "Who needs The Matrix
when you have this
artificial world.", "Be honest and
authentic and you
will fail at life", "If at first
you don't succeed
...take the fucking
hint", "Fool me once,
shame on you.
Fool me twice....
....I'll get you, bitch.", "I predict much
career success
...to a point.
Don't bump your
head on that
glass ceiling", "Good news will
come from afar
...in the form of bombs.
on your front lawn.
You're being liberated!
God Bless America", "I predict excellent
health.
For a while.
Then, you'll get
Ebola.
and herpes
and have 3 heart
attacks.", "You'll soon meet the
love of your life.
Just kidding. There's
no-one out there
for you. You'll
die alone, and
rats will eat you", "You will make a
profitable investment.
about 3 kilos worth
...just don't get
caught", "A surprise treat awaits you.
...Suprise! it
IS herpes after all", "Live in the now,
...and savor the
hardships you
brought upon yourself
by not planning
ahead.
dumbfuck", "Today will be joyous
unlike tomorrow
and the next day
and the next decade", "You will make a wise
business deal.
and then a stupid
one.
and live in the
gutter for the
rest of your life", "You have a natural
charisma that draws
many to you.
or could it be
your fine rack?", "The grass is always
greener on the other
side. On your side,
however, it will
always be brown and
trampled and covered
in dog crap", "Don't fret: things
will look better with
time.
or with alcohol", "You spread joy
and laughter everywhere
you go.
uh...they're
laughing WITH you,
I promise.....", "Today you will narrowly
escape a grizzly death.
only to meet another one.
lucky you. as they say
'out of the frying pan,
into the grill
of that truck'", "Did you know that the Bible is
30% more absorbent than Charmin?
So is your country's
flag. try it out
sometime", "Always have confidence
in yourself.
YOU have no reason
to, but
people buy that shit", "Love isn't a battlefield,
it's a farm,
because men are
pigs and women
are bitches", "Good things come to
those who wait. But
first they come to
those who get off
their ass and just
take it.
carpe-motherfucking-diem", "All life is suffering,
punctuated by brief
moments of happiness.
I predict yours will
be no different.
Actually, it will be worse.
HA HA!", "None of your dreams
Will ever come true.
...Especially that one
with the truck full of
cheerleaders. Seriously, what
the hell were you thinking?", "Don't just get mad, and don't
just get even
Get Super Duper Even!
An eye, liver, spleen,
and two limbs for an
eye"); maxfortune = fortunes.length; adcode = "Billy's Weird...cat...thing tells your fortune!"; function makeobjs() { fortunespan_obj = document.getElementById('fortunespan'); motherspan_obj = document.getElementById('motherspan'); fortcode_obj = document.getElementById('fortcode'); fortcodealt_obj = document.getElementById('fortcodealt'); } function randfortune() { whichfortune = Math.floor(Math.random() * maxfortune); return fortunes[whichfortune]; } function newestfortune() { fortunespan_obj.innerHTML = "" + fortunes[maxfortune-1] + ""; showcode(); } function catsayit() { fortunespan_obj.innerHTML = "" + randfortune() + ""; showcode(); } function showcode() { fortcode_obj.value = motherspan_obj.innerHTML + adcode; fortcodealt_obj.value = "[URL=http://www.doorknobsoft.com/fortunecat/][IMG]http://doorknobsoft.tripod.com/cgi-bin/cat_v2_reflog.pl?fortnum=" + (whichfortune+1) + "[/IMG]\n" + "Billy's Weird...cat...thing tells your fortune![/URL]"; }